


i'm not gonna lose my mind

by softsocky



Series: socky shorts [2]
Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Swearing, because i've been lying in bed for three days in a stomach bug, but you're getting them, here's yo girl absolutely providing in the short and sweet department, none of you have asked for these, oblivious rocky, protective rocky bc that gets me weak, so here's a love/hate for you, socky im trash for them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 07:56:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12790167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softsocky/pseuds/softsocky
Summary: "Don’t get mad, but I need your help.”





	i'm not gonna lose my mind

**Author's Note:**

> title from long for the coast's restless! [such a gorgeous song please listen to it!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exvKc22fWzM)

 

Sanha drove him wild.

Not in the good way either. Not in the way he’d like. Yoon Sanha drove him so wild that he felt like he was going crazy; that he was _this_ close to committing a crime against the younger boy. To make matters worse, no one else seemed to _notice,_ or even _care_ that he was slowly losing his mind. Whenever he told them, they’d just shake their head at him, chuckle at his _antics_ and change the subject.

 _And on top of that_ , Sanha was just _really clingy._

Clingy in the sense that he was _always_ _touching_ him. If they were in the same room, that meant they had to be beside each other. Sanha would always chose to sit beside him, even worse, _on_ him; or Sanha would pick him for games or challenges on stage, and never one of the other boys, and he’d make such a _fuss_ about it. Why pick him if it was such a big deal? And at night, in their bunks, Sanha would crawl into bed beside him when he was too tired to care, tuck his freezing cold toes between his thighs to keep himself warm, press his nose into the back of neck. He’d wake up to a mess of sheets and Sanha, a cramp in his neck and wondering why he’d slept so well.

But the worst thing. The _very worst thing_ Sanha did to drive him wild? _His kisses._

God, he’d just kiss him – all the time. In front of the boys, in their room. He had pushed him off and spluttered and turned bright red, and saw the others just shaking their heads. 

Everyone was acting like this behaviour was normal. But this was so far from normal, Minhyuk didn’t even know where to start.

 

“Don’t get mad, but I need your help.”

It was three o’clock in the morning, and Sanha was supposed to be staying at his friend Bin’s place tonight. Instead, he was calling Minhyuk and waking him _up_. Even half-comatose, he could sense the drunkenness in the boy’s voice.

“Sanha?”

The boy hummed, then there was a _oof_ , and a crash, followed by a “Hyuk? Yeah, yes?” breathed down the line.

Minhyuk shut his eyes, praying to God, to _anyone_ , to tell him why he had become the guardian angel of such a moron. “Where are you?”

 

Turns out he _was_ at Bin’s place, but it just so happened that MJ was there, too. Whenever MJ went anywhere, alcohol and chaos followed, and no matter how many times Minhyuk had told Sanha to stay clear of his antics, he never listens. He never does, so he’s not sure why he bothers anymore.

Minhyuk had met MJ a few years ago at a dance expo that had come through the city. They’d hit it off instantly, becoming very close friends – friends who were comfortable enough with each other to rat each other out once or twice.

He didn’t bother knocking when he got there, just walked straight into a colossal mess of gyrating bodies and thumping bass. He hated house parties, especially _surprise_ house parties. His eyes scanned the crowd for the lanky blonde, grateful for his height and general awkwardness which made him stand out in a crowd.

Bin spotted him first, though.

“Rocky!” He hated that nickname. Bin knew that, too, so he abused whenever he could. “So glad you could make it!” His voice was as slurred as Sanha’s was, if not more.

“Have you seen Sanha?”

Bin pulled back from him slightly, with a knowing smirk. “Come to collect the boyfriend?” Minhyuk stared back at him with a scowl. Bin snorted, “rough crowd.” He then pointed up the stairs. “Last I saw him, he was in the loo.”

Minhyuk patted his shoulder in thanks before heading in that direction. He pulled his phone out, tried to call him, but there was no point. It went straight to voicemail. He was not, in fact, in the loo. Hadn’t been for a while judging by the line. He poked his head into the bedrooms, find them somewhat empty bar for a few stray couples. Upon encountering those rooms, he’d quickly slam the door shut again.

 

Just as he was about to head outside, his phone rang. “Sanha! Where are you?” Minhyuk couldn’t control his worry, especially when the boy didn’t respond right away.

All he heard was a loud _sniff_ and a strangled sounding sob. “Sanha?” He tried again, voice softer.

“’Yuk?” His voice was small and gentle, thick with tears. He hated this boy, god he hated him so much, he was so _annoying_. But right now, all he wanted to do was find the boy and take him _home_ , cuddle him and keep him warm. Minhyuk couldn’t resist a sad Sanha – in fact, no one could.

“Yeah, baby. It’s me. Where are you?”

Sanha ignored the pet-name, muttering out a slurred, jumbled mess of words that Minhyuk was only just able to decipher. Minhyuk found him two minutes later, curled up underneath the outside steps, clutching at his knees. Big, fat tears were streaming down his face, and when he saw Minhyuk approaching, they fell _faster,_ and his sobs got louder. Minhyuk fell down beside him, automatically wrapping his arms around the boy, dragging him in and against his chest. His shirt was getting wet, but he didn’t give a shit. He just let Sanha clutch onto him, let him breathe down his neck in the way that Minhyuk knew calmed him down.

A few minutes passed before his tears began to settle, and during that time, Minhyuk had assessed his surroundings. He wasn’t sure why Sanha was down here, at the back of the house, where only a few people were scattered, smoking and making phone calls. Maybe that’s why he’d been out here, calling Minhyuk to come get him. He felt guilty instantly, and entirely responsible, for whatever as making him cry.

“Baby,” he mumbled to him, lips in his hair. He untangled himself from the younger boy, putting a finger under his chin and lifting his head to look into his eyes. Sanha let him, and when their eyes met, Minhyuk’s heart broke. “ _Baby,”_ he breathed out again.

Sanha choked on a sob, but splayed his hands out onto his knees, diverting his eyes there. This dragged Minhyuk’s attention to his body party, gasping when he saw the rips in the jeans and the blood oozing out. They weren’t deep wounds. They were merely grazes, but Sanha had a low pain tolerance and was frightened easily, so any type of accident – big or small – was enough to send him into an emotional state in which Minhyuk had just witnessed. The crash on the phone must have been Sanha tripping and falling down the stairs, grazing his knees and his hands in the process.

He bent down, ignoring the logical part of his brain that told him ‘ _but you_ hate _him?’,_ and kissed with a feather-light touch to both knees, just above the graze, and then to each hand. And then two on his face, under each eye, wiping away the last few tears that sat there.

Sanha was still sobbing, but tearlessly now, and more so out of exhaustion. When Minhyuk pulled back, Sanha just pulled him back in again, pressing a wet, drunken kiss to his lips. Instead of pulling away and spluttering and blushing like usual, Minhyuk kissed back slightly, let the younger boy use him till he was done. Which wasn’t long afterwards, really. The kiss short and chaste, and acted as a _thank you_ for tending to him rather than anything with real intention.

“Can we go home ‘Yuk?” His voice was heartbroken and sad, but a little less thick than before.

Minhyuk nodded, pressed a kiss to his temple, “of course baby, let’s go.”

 

After his night of kindness, things returned to normal. Sanha would attach himself to Minhyuk’s side in bed like some kind of four-limped octopus, and would press sweet little kisses to his cheeks in the morning when he walked into the kitchen; and would hand him a cup of coffee just as he liked it followed by a smack on his ass. It was all back to normal, _but this wasn’t normal._

 

Sanha slinked in through the door before him, flinching when Minhyuk slammed it behind them. Last time Sanha went to Bin’s place, things hadn’t ended well – so this time, when he said he wouldn’t drink, Minhyuk had made him _promise._ Sanha did, of course, but Bin called and told Minhyuk to come get his ‘ _boyfie from the sofa, he’s sleeping and needs a shower’_ because he ‘ _drank a little too much we think’_ it was obvious he had lied. Sanha had even tried to deny the accusation, but when Minhyuk had put him in the passenger seat of the car, Sanha latched his lips onto his, and all he could taste was beer and vodka.

Sanha could sense he was mad, too, not just from the way he slammed the door, but from the way he drove in utter silence, and how tightly he gripped the steering wheel. So when he shuffled into the room, and sat on the edge of the bed, he was ready for Minhyuk to yell.

Minhyuk sighed deeply, rubbing his temples with his fingertips. “Sanha, you promised me.”

Sanha frowned, “please don’t hate me.”

Minhyuk met his eyes. “Of course, I hate you. I hate you so much, because I don’t hate you at all – even when I have _reason_ too! You’re so clingy and you fart in your sleep. Not cute farts, horrible farts. And they smell _repulsive_ , did you know that? And you have terrible table manners and you sing too loud in the shower and you always steal my socks! You also act like you have the mental capacity of a five-year-old!”

Sanha narrowed his eyes at him. “Are you flirting with me?”

Minhyuk threw his arms up in exasperation.

“Because there’s no need to, you know. I mean, we’ve been dating for nine months, I think we’re past the flirting stage.”

Wait, _what—_

“Euh? What?”

It was Sanha’s turn to throw his arms up. “Christ, this again? Are we _still_ doing this?”

Minhyuk’s eyes widened. “Doing _what_?”

Sanha gestured wildly between them. “This! Whatever _this_ is! You, pretending we’re not dating, but kissing me and saying you love me, and then next day – surprise asshole! I actually hate you!”

“Oi – language!”

“Arrrgh!” Sanha tugged at his hair, eyes watering. “You either hate me or you love me – can you _please_ make up your mind.”

All that followed was silence. Minhyuk had a decision to make, a big one at that. Love and Hate were two big separate things, but he couldn’t remove one from Sanha and live with it. Sanha was both. Sanha sighed, “fine, I’ll talk to you later. I’m sleeping on the couch.” He was halfway out the door when Minhyuk grabbed his wrist, tugging him back into the room. Their lips were _this_ close, and Minhyuk could smell the liquor still on his breath, but their argument has seemed to smack him out of his drunken daze.

“I may hate you Sanha. I may find you to be the most annoying person I’ve ever met. You’re the reason I question my sanity at least fourteen times a day. Sometimes, I wonder why I haven’t checked myself into a hospital yet. Christ, Sanha, you’re so _irritating.”_ Sanha was biting back tears now, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth. Minhyuk reached up, pulling said lip from between the worrying of his teeth. “But shit, Sanha. I love you so much more than I hate you.”

With that, he kissed him – _he_ kissed _him_ for the first time. He initiated it, the first time, after supposedly dating this boy for nine whole months. He looks back now, on all those kisses, on the hugs and murmuring of sweet words in the morning, of the hand-holding and the clothes-sharing, the food-making and present-giving.

Minhyuk realises that the love was always there, and so was the hate – but he guesses, when it comes to Sanha, that’s just the same thing.

**Author's Note:**

> [ come say hello! ](http://www.magnusbanes.tumblr.com) let me know what u think thx


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